Saturday, February 4, 2012

Can you spot any grammatical errors in this?

another essay...do i need to add any commas or remove any?? words misplaced? any grammatical suggestions are appreciated



My passion for science stems back to my youth. I grew up around kids who enjoyed things like Pok茅mon, Nickelodeon cartoons, and Transformers action figures. All of these things, despite their youthful appeal, somehow failed to entice me. I enjoyed reading Pop Science, National Geographic, and articles on the internet documenting various scientific advancements. I, for all intensive purposes, was a science junkie. I was, I am, and I always will be.

My vigor for science and technology has led me to some extraordinary opportunities and positions in school. During my sophomore year, I created Science Club and Math Club to share my passion with the students of Apex High School. Due to the success my clubs have had, the Apex High STEM Club (Science Technology Engineering and Math) appointed me to the presidency this year. As president of the three largest science-based clubs in school, I have inspired over sixty students to embrace a range of scientific subjects. However, this was not achieved through a pre-existing knowledge of science. In order to lead these clubs, I had to fill multiple gaps in my knowledge of science as a subject.

When I first created Science and Math Clubs, I only had a rudimentary understanding of how my clubs鈥?experiments actually worked. For example, one of our very first Science Club experiments was a chemical reaction between potassium chlorate and a hydrocarbon. The experiment was conducted by heating up a small amount of potassium chlorate in a test tube and dropping a hydrocarbon into it (we used a Skittle). All I knew about this experiment at the time was that it was explosive and extremely exothermic. What I didn鈥檛 know was why it was so explosive and exothermic. When potassium chlorate is heated to melting point, it decomposes and releases oxygen. Once the Skittle is dropped into the test tube a combustion reaction occurs between the hydrocarbon molecules in the Skittle and the oxygen inside the test tube (much like burning gasoline). The heat of the molten potassium chlorate increases the kinetic energy of the molecules in the solution thereby increasing chemical collisions. This increases the rate of reaction causing the explosive nature of the reaction. I realized that in order to truly inspire others to enjoy science, I had to be able to explain exactly what happens in the experiments we conducted. Otherwise, students would only appreciate the experiments themselves and not the science behind them. To solve this problem, I decided to take extremely challenging courses at school and conduct independent research on scientific and mathematical subject matter. So far I鈥檝e taken seven challenging science and math courses, and I鈥檝e clocked hundreds of hours of research for my experiments. My new found understanding allows me to design creative and exciting experiments for my clubs. Of course there is still much to be learned, and I am continuing an ongoing quest for knowledge.

I鈥檝e learned so much over the course of my high school career, but perhaps the most important lessons were learned from leading these clubs. I鈥檝e learned that simply memorizing a piece of information is useless when one has to utilize that knowledge in a real world application. The application of knowledge requires an understanding of all the factors in a system rather than just one piece. The real world is not simply an aggregation of numbers and formulas or words and phrases; it is a matrix of interconnected and universal themes tied into one reality. In order to fully understand how anything works, one must dig deep into that matrix of connections. It鈥檚 as simple as that.Can you spot any grammatical errors in this?
I liked this. I haven't yet been to this part of "Answers from Yahoo". I found this interesting as I don't really remember much having graduated almost 10yrs ago.

Im not grammatically correct %26amp; often I am horrid at it. But, I can try.



In the 3rd to last sentence in the 3rd paragr.:

"So far I鈥檝e taken seven challenging science and math courses, and I鈥檝e clocked hundreds of hours of research for my experiments."

--I would recommend adding a comma after "So far" -but I get punctuation happy. So, I would need a 2nd opinion.



In your last paragr:



You started it by using "I've" and the very next sentence is started the same, it needs to be changed. Maybe in the 2nd sentence simply write, "Simply memorizing a piece....".

Does it have to be a certain # of words in the paper? If so, you may want to add:

"Simply memorizing a piece of information is useless when one has to utilize that knowledge in a real world application" (setting rather than application b/c you then use it in your next statement ads well. -change one or the other.), just as I have learned."

I would probably change the 1st sentence starting w/ "I've learned" b/c you just stated "learned" in the last sentence in the paragr. above. -at least try to space it out more (i know its hard to do when you're talking about the same thing....!!)

....

So, it should read:

Simply memorizing a piece of information is useless when one has to utilize that knowledge in a real world SETTING, JUST AS I HAVE LEARNED ({the ability} TO DO {so}). ((if you want to add the "to do" part, fine.))

the ability to do so = kind of wordy. so, do what you think is best.

Youre very good at this paper! Im glad b/c Im not on here much- I mostly stick to psychology answer stuff.



I don't much care for the flow of:

"The application of knowledge...." -I think it best reads as: "Applying knowledge....".



In the 2nd sentence from the start of the last paragr.:

"I鈥檝e learned that simply memorizing a piece of information is useless when one has to utilize that knowledge in a real world application."

--you use "piece" in the very next sentence (3rd sentence).

I would change the 2nd sentence to:

I鈥檝e learned that simply memorizing MINUTE OR TRIVIAL OR THE BASICS of information is useless when one has to utilize that knowledge in a real world application.



remember, if this isn't how you speak, don't use it. some teachers who are really clever pick up on things like that. but, also- its best to write how you would normally write.



I hope Ive been helpful. Maybe somebody can do a better job, but your article looks good by itself!! If i were you, i would just turn it in. - I suppose I was being a little nit-picky.Can you spot any grammatical errors in this?
cool. It sounds good. I forgot to mention one other factor:

you should put quotes around "Skittles", as it is from a company that needs to be recognized.

The thesaurus is excellant!! I love the thesaurus for when Im writing (not for email though).

Hope you get teh scholarshp.

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Can you spot any grammatical errors in this?
and, thanks for the "best answer" lol

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